Love Lessons from the Girl Who Learned the Hard Way

I’m no relationship expert. Far from it. But I know what God says about marriage and I know what He’s shown me specifically in regards to relationships. But when I actually get into a relationship, it’s like I get love drunk and everything I’ve known flies out the window. I’ve been single for a few months now and I’m at such peace in the season I’m in. And I’ll be single as a pringle until the Lord sends me my fine future husband ready to deal with all this crazy. But I didn’t get to this place overnight.

You see, I’m the girl who told you not to put anybody before the Lord your God. To never make anybody an idol or god in your life.

I’m the girl who told you that getting into bed with somebody outside of marriage will leave you attached and messed up emotionally and spiritually.

I’m the girl who told you how serious and precious relationships are. That they’re for marriage and to take it seriously.

I’m the girl, that after my last relationship, said my next boyfriend would be my future husband.

And then I fell head over heels for a church boy that treated me like a queen and made me feel like a million bucks. Suddenly, it didn’t matter what God said to me. In my mind, I knew I was gonna marry him and I was in love and why not start playing house now? We talked about marriage all the time. We had plans on getting engaged young. But love got mixed up with lust and before I knew it, I had begun to make him an idol in my life. He loved me, he protected me, he provided for me, he held me when I cried, calmed me down through panic attacks and nights of depression. Why turn to God when I had everything I thought I needed right there? Oh there were fights. We loved hard but we also fought hard. We were passionate people who weren’t always best at communicating the way the other needed. But nothing else mattered to me unless it was spending time with him. I’ve never been so caught up in one person. And God is a jealous God. He will not compete for attention. He wants all or none. In our relationship, we went through ups and downs of trying to center our relationship around God and falling back into sin. But God doesn’t play those games. He wanted both of our attention. He wanted all of both of us.

Personally, I felt blindsided when we broke up. We were supposed to get married and start a life together in the next couple of years. From where I stand now, it’s so obvious that God wanted our attention. He wanted our full hearts and if that meant breaking us up, then He would do whatever it took to have our hearts and minds fully set on Him. A month later I fully surrendered to Him and His plans for my life like never before. Not holding any little bit back. He needed to get me to a place where it was nothing but me and Him. He needed to show me what a life truly surrendered to Him looks like. Cause He longed for me to have that. But He wouldn’t have had that when I was so wrapped up in my little world of love. My heart and soul were set on the wrong one. I was trying to find complete love and wholeness in a human being. It’s not possible. So any unhappiness came from me trying to force a person to complete me. And my heart breaks to think that I put so much pressure on one person to be my everything, to fulfill me. It wasn’t fair to him. But to this day, I don’t think I’ve ever loved a person more. I have nothing negative to say about him or our relationship. I pray for him any time he crosses my mind.

But right now, I’m too busy trying to center my heart on the Lord to be consumed by any one person. God’s gonna have to fling a door wide open and practically write it out in the sky when it’s time to enter into my next relationship. Whatever that looks like. I’m in no hurry cause I want to be the woman my future husband and children deserve. And I know I’m not there yet. I’m letting the Lord mold me and refine my heart so that when I do enter into the relationship that will lead me into marriage, I won’t let my heart be led by lust and I won’t try to find my wholeness or worth in that guy. I’ve known for a long time that the biggest calling on my life is to be a wife and momma. I don’t wanna take that lightly. I wanna be a loving, praying wife that points my husband back to Jesus daily. I wanna me a loving, praying mom that raises up warriors for the kingdom. God’s got a lot to do in this heart of mine but it’s so worth holding out for that love. Cause it’s on it’s way and it’s gonna be worth every struggle, every tear, and every second of waiting.

So to you reading this tonight, whether you’re in a relationship or single, listen to the girl who’s learned the hard way. Nobody but Christ himself can ever complete you. Don’t try to find your worth in another person. Don’t let your heart get so caught up in love, that you lose sight of the cross. In a relationship, that other person’s heart is SO precious. Do not take it lightly. Point them to Jesus, don’t be what’s pulling them away from Jesus. God designed sex for marriage for a reason. Don’t question that or think He’s punishing you by telling you to wait. You’ll end up attached to that person, it’ll confuse you on what love looks like, and it’ll mess you up both spiritually and emotionally. Focus your heart and mind on the Lord so that even when you’re in a relationship, they won’t replace your relationship with God. Your person deserves to have the best version of you. The version that is chasing after Jesus, fully surrendered to Him and His ways. When your worth and completeness (is that a word?) is in Christ, you won’t bother trying to find wholeness in a person. Pray for your future spouse, pray for your future children, and pray for those that have had the privilege to love your heart in the past, whether or not they will play a part in your life again. And don’t trip about being single or rushing to find “the one”, you have the rest of your life to be married. You only have this season now to prepare your heart. No matter where you are in regards to relationships, dating, and marriage, know I’m praying for you and I’m praying these words and my vulnerability will find you where you need it most. You are precious. Your heart is precious. Don’t take it lightly. Don’t take loving others lightly either.

Finding God in the Midst of Pain & Trials

I don’t know where you are or what you’re feeling today. But I imagine if you’re reading this, you’re going through some sort of trial or pain. And if you’re not, you probably will before long. It’s a hard, but real, part of life. Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1, 4‬ tells us: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” But don’t get it twisted, we’re not here to throw a pity party or whine and complain about how hard and terrible life is. It’s hard and sometimes it straight up sucks. Am I right? I get it. More than you know. 

But can I let you in on a little secret? Jesus. Is. Greater. He’s greater than your worst, most unbearable pain. He’s greater than those nights that you would rather give up than take one more breath. He’s greater than that anxiety that holds you captive. He’s greater than that loss you’re mourning. His promises are real. He’s faithful. But if you’re going through a really hard time, facing sickness, or are battling the ugliness that is depression, I’m sure you have a hard time remembering those promises or how to even find God in the midst of it. I want to give you some real advice I’ve found helps me in finding God in the midst of pain or trials. 

In that moment of hopelessness, it’s hard to remind ourselves that there is hope. That hope is Jesus Christ. In that moment where anxiety is destroying your mind, it’s hard to remember that there is peace. That peace is Jesus Christ. In that moment of loneliness it’s hard to remember that there is love. That love is Jesus Christ. In that moment of pain it’s hard to remember that there is healing. That healing is Jesus Christ. 

To remind yourself of these truths and the promises and hope we find in Christ, it’s important to seek scripture. The number one way I find peace is in prayer. I know, this is brand new information!!!! You never would of thought of that on your own would you?? Okay so sarcasm doesn’t tend to translate well over writing. BUT in those moments of hopelessness, despair, or pain, how often do you actually want to pray? Maybe you’re a lot more spiritually mature than me, but that’s usually not my first instinct. But I’m in the process of making it my first instinct. I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety hard lately. And I’ve often found the only time I have any peace is in prayer. What if that’s exactly what God wants? For us to need Him so desperately that we have to continuously cry out to Him. That we have to depend on Him for every breath we breathe. Prayer is direct access to the Father. Prayer connects us with our Savior that will fight on our behalf. Prayer brings heaven down to earth and gives us the strength to keep on going. Prayer reminds us of the hope we have in eternity, if we’ll just hang in there a little longer. Prayer reminds us of the promises we have in our Savior and our salvation.

We are in desperate need of a Savior. As a Christian, you’re not excused from pain or hard times. What you do have is a Savior that is your fortress. A Savior that is your rock and solid ground. A Savior that is your mighty warrior and defender. A Savior that is your HOPE. You will not find true hope in anything else in this world. Not in materialistic things, not in money, not in another human being. Jesus Christ IS hope. To remind yourself of that, I want to give you some scripture to come back to in those moments of despair and hopelessness. We combat pain and trials by reminding ourselves of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness. Those reminders are all up in scripture. God’s Word is an alive and active reminder of His love and faithfulness to His people. Not only can you read these truths to remind yourself of the hope He brings in the darkest moments, you can PRAY through these scriptures. There are hundreds and hundreds more that just won’t fit in one blog post, but I want to leave you with reminders of the hope we have in Christ. 

If you’ll notice, all these scriptures I’m listing are in the Psalms. Psalms is a GREAT book to seek in times of pain or hard times. David knew real pain. But he also knew how to seek and worship God in that pain. You can find 150 examples of that. I pray the next time you are seeking hope, you’ll turn to the Psalms and be reminded of the goodness of the Lord. The next time you are struggling to find God in your trial, praise God for the reminders you have of His faithfulness and cling to those to carry you through. Read, memorize, write down, pray these truths to combat that pain you’re feeling:

•“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” ‭‭(Psalm‬ ‭31:24‬)

•“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm‬ ‭42:5‬)

•“For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is GOOD.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭52:9‬)

•“Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”‭‭ (Psalm‬ ‭62:2‬)

•“For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.” (Psalm‬ ‭71:5‬)

•“You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.” (Psalm‬ ‭119:114‬)

•“the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”‭‭ (Psalm‬ ‭147:11‬)

Giving Thanks And Giving Out Of Our Abundance

I think thanking God for what’s He’s given us and praising Him for is so important. Psalm 100:4 says “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I love this season leading up to thanksgiving and to see people give thanks for what God has given them. It’s beautiful to me. But what about the other 11 months? Do we put as much thought into thankfulness then? I’m all for a reminder to give thanks, heck I’m doing “30 Days of a Thankful Heart” right now. But we are called to give thanks in ALL circumstances. 365 days a year. So let this season be a recharge for your heart that will carry you into the months to come.

But here’s another thing…everything we have is God’s. Everything. It’s important to praise Him for all things. But it’s also important to realize He didn’t give us all we have to selfishly keep it to ourselves. He gave so we could give. Francis Chan said, “We are loaded down with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for a small loaf. The good things we cling to are more than money; we hoard our resources, our gifts, our time, our families, our friends. As we begin to practice regular giving, we see how ludicrous it is to hold on to the abundance God has given us and merely repeat the words thank you.” So as you give thanks, pray about how you can give and where you can serve. And I’m not talking about your leftovers. Not the clothes you don’t wear or the extra pennies you had laying around. Give that too! There’s nothing wrong with that, but God is calling us to more! It’s all His anyways, so who are we to hold back from giving in abundance?

I know with the holidays coming up, people are finding ways to give, and that’s awesome! But we can’t let it stop December 26th. Out of love for God, we should give and serve year-round! Unfortunately, the poor you gave Christmas gifts to will most likely still be poor after December 25th. The homeless will still be homeless. The sick will still be sick. God has given us an abundance of resources to take care of those in need. Let us not waste it. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” ‭‭(1 John‬ ‭3:16-20‬) “God didn’t just give a little for us; He gave His best. He gave Himself. John is saying that is no different for us: True love requires sacrifice. And our love is shown by how we live our lives: “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”” –Francis Chan. So count your blessings, give thanks, give to those in need, but let’s make sure we carry these attitudes from January to October as well. I think we all need this reminder from time to time. 🙂

Their Success Is Your Success

I think so often we fear other’s success because we’re afraid ours will look meaningless in comparison. We’re afraid to see others “doing better than us” because suddenly, our work doesn’t look as good. We love to play the comparison game. So many will tear others down to make themselves feel better. Or they won’t celebrate someone else’s succes in fear it will dampen theirs. With this mindset, everything turns into a competition. But what if I told you it’s not about comparisons, competition, or even your success?Here’s the deal, it’s not about my success or your success. If you’re a believer, we’re all working towards the same cause—the cause of Christ. We are all working to further the kingdom of God. And if that’s not currently your ambition, maybe it’s time for a heart check. But if your heart is for serving God and you know you were placed on this earth to know God and make Him known, then others success is YOUR success. Why? Because we are ONE body. 

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Ephesians 4:15-16) Did you catch the end of that?? We are to build up the body in LOVE. One of the cool things about God is how creative He is. We’ve each been given unique gifts that are able to work together! You’re great at singing? That’s awesome, use it for worship! You’ve got an outgoing, cheerful attitude? Use that to greet people at church or to talk to that stranger in the grocery store about God’s love! You’ve got the whole public speaking thing down? Use your voice, speak! You’re a good writer? Start a blog, write a book! The list goes on and on. 

Before you doubt if the gifts God gave you are of any importance, let’s read 1 Corinthians 12:17-26. I know it’s a good little chunk of scripture, but bear with me it’s so worth it. And don’t just skim the scripture, that’s where the true wisdom of God is found, not in my human stupidity written in this blog post. “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” That scripture probably did one of two things for you: 1) was a piece of humble pie and made you realize your gifts aren’t of greater importance than others, they’re all equal OR 2) encouraged you greatly and reminded you that you matter and you have gifts to bring to the table. It’s not a competition, it never was!!! Look at the end of that scripture one more time…”if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” We are to rejoice in every victory and every soul won, no matter what vessel God chose for that circumstance! A SOUL WON TO THE KINGDOM OF GOD SHOULD BE CELEBRATED NO MATTER WHAT. 

At the end of the day, it’s not about us and it never was. It’s about the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. It’s all His work anyways, He just chooses to use us as empty vessels to work in and through. So all the pressure should come off us when we realize that…which gives us more time to celebrate with others. It’s not a competition between brothers and sisters or one church vs. another. We’re all here for the same mission and that is: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.””‭‭ (Matthew‬ ‭28:19-20‬) So encourage your brothers and sisters, celebrate with them in their victories and mourn when they mourn. This race called life isn’t easy and we don’t have time to be tearing down the body that’s doing the work. 

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

To know who we are, it is important to know who God is. Who we are is a direct reflection of God because we were made in His image. GOD breathed life into us and GOD made us all unique. The way your hair curls, the way you snort when you laugh, the way you light up when talking about the things you’re passionate about, the way seeing that homeless person on the street breaks your heart, the way you can’t sing worth a lick but are the loudest one singing praises to God is 100% because it is who God made you to be! To truly understand why it’s so special that we were made in the image of God, we have to understand that He is holy, eternal, all-knowing, and all-powerful. (not to mention a billion more qualities) You know what’s so crazy about our Creator?? He created over 350, 000, 000, 000 galaxies that people have never seen or even knew existed. This same God created the caterpillar that has 228 separate and distinct muscles in its head ALONE. This same God made hundreds of different kinds of bananas. This same God created the elm tree which on average, has approximately 6 MILLION leaves on it. Are you catching the drift that God is insanely diverse and creative?? This means that when God created you and me, His most prized possessions, He put just as much, if not more creativity and diversity into us!!!! God is all-knowing and because of this, He not only created us, but He KNOWS us! That secret you’ve never told a soul? He knows. That website you clicked on last night? He knew before you even did it. That crazy dream/idea of yours you’re too afraid to make a reality? He knows. Nothing nothing nothing can be hidden from God. Psalm 139:4 says, “Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” God knows every single thing about us, down to the hairs on our head. “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30) And you know what?? God sees us for who we really are, not just the Instagram versions of ourselves, and He LOVES US THE SAME. Do you realize what a beautiful truth that is?? Not only that, but He CHOOSES to know us. “You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.” (Psalm 139:1) The same God who created billions of galaxies, chooses to know us and loves us completely in spite of what He knows!!!! What a beautiful truth to be known! What a beautiful truth to know that we can come as we are, the unfiltered versions of us, to the feet of Jesus. We can come into His arms, undone and messy. But hold up, there’s more! Read the Message version of this scripture real quick: “Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.”‭‭ (Psalm‬ ‭139:13-16‬) God put so much thought and effort into the way you were made. He formed you and created you in the exact way He wanted to. Nothing about you is a mistake. Nothing about you is embarrassing or flawed. You are the only you there is!!! To question who you are or to dislike/hate any part of you, is to doubt God and His creations. As if to say He messed up or didn’t know what He was doing. God doesn’t make mistakes and He certainly didn’t when making you. I pray that truth seeps into the deepest parts of your heart and allows you to have as much respect and love for yourself as your Maker has for you. I’ll leave you with some cheesy Dr. Seuss that has been on my heart and mind the last several days: “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Embrace the YOU that God created you to be! As you fall in love with your Creator, be sure to fall in love with His creations (aka YOU)!!!!

Hashtag No Filter Part 2

Today I went to write in my journal and realized it was the first time I had (other than sermon notes) since April. 6 months. 6 months I’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Because that’s how I am without Jesus. 6 months of trying to fill my soul with the things of this world, only to end up thirsty again 5 minutes later. 6 months of hard rebellion. Doing a lot of stupid things, making some big mistakes, hurting others, but most importantly deliberately sinning against God. 6 months of drowning in a sea of anxiety and depression. 6 months of pride and arrogance holding me back from running to the only One who could heal and make me whole again. I’ve been broken and hurting in ways I’ve never felt before. I’ve been foolishly trying to figure life out by myself. I’ve been trying to feel my way around in the dark instead of letting the true Light Himself lead me and guide me. It’s been an exhausting 6 months of spiritually limping around. I lost who I am in Christ. I forgot my identity and joy comes from God alone. And it’s been painful. My heart aches. I’m a spiritual desert. I’m emotionally and mentally exhausted. I forgot what it’s like just to be excited to be alive. I forgot what true joy despite my circumstances feels like. I’ve been a volcano ready to erupt at any moment trying to hold these last 6 months in. And I know it’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to bottle it all in. This isn’t me having a pity party for 1, this is me being real. Being vulnerable. This is me rejoicing that where I’m going is not where I’ve been. This is me admitting once again, I’m Gomer. I once again ran from my groom back into a life of sin, trying to place myself back in the chains Christ already set me free from. But God, my Hosea, lovingly chased His bride down and brought me home once again. Today I rejoice in the living and gentle, yet truthful way He got my attention and brought me back into His arms. Saturday night was a series of raw, vulnerable, truthful conversations from a place of love. And Sunday morning was the first time in 6 months I woke up excited about God and life. Today I rejoice in the way Christ pursues me even when j do everything in my power to rebel against Him. I rejoice that God loves me more than I could ever comprehend, even when I spit in His face and worship things created rather than my Creator. Love isn’t something God does, it’s who He IS. And that makes me wanna dance and sing! I am so unworthy yet His love never fails and always pursues me. Today I rejoice that for the first time in 6 months, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still as broken as ever. This time I’m choosing to seek my Healer. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing, but for now I’m just gonna focus on chasing after God.

Hashtag No Filter

Raise your hand if you’re a twenty-something and have no clue what you’re doing with your life! I know I can’t be the only one. Let me preface this post by saying this is in no way a pity post or a post for me to complain. It’s more like a hashtag no filter post. Because some things, even an instagram filter can’t hide. In a world where people aim to post their highlight reels and only the best of the best on social media, I aim to crush that in hopes of letting people know they’re not alone and certainly not the only ones feeling a certain way. I don’t really know why I feel the need to give you all an update on my life or who will even read this, but I know somebody out there is feeling the same way I am and needs to know we’re all in this together. *cue high school musical music*

If you don’t know by now, I decided to take a semester off. I haven’t really broadcasted it because it’s definitely not the biggest shining moment in my life. I just turned 20 and I’ve never been more confused on who I am or who I’m supposed to be in my life. I’m no longer a teenager, but I’m certainly not an adult. At my church, I’m not considered a youth any more but I don’t quite fit in with all the moms in the women’s group either. (no offense, y’all are awesome) I’m supposed to be a college student busting my butt for my future career…but I don’t have the first clue as to what that looks like. I don’t have the first idea of what my future is gonna be like in general. Could be something in youth ministry. Could be writing and speaking all over the place. Could be running social media/doing PR stuff. Could be a mixture of the above. Or it could be none of the above. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING. I don’t even know the direction I’m supposed to go in or what major to choose. (I’m currently in communication studies after switching from special education and most days I’m not even sure if this is the major I’m supposed to be in) Recently, like in the last month, God laid on my heart youth ministry. But I have no clue what that means or will look like. I’m trying to be patient and seek God, but some days it’s easier than others, ya feel me?? And while I see all these people my age sprinting past me to the finish line of their major, I feel like I’m hobbling along just trying to decide what direction to go. In fact, for over a year now I haven’t even felt like college is for me. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna just drop out, just being real here. School in general gives me this unreal amount of anxiety and I’ve spent the last two years of college really fighting that anxiety. I love everything about college except for class lol but I guess that’s a typical college student response. And you know what? I’m learning it’s okay. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not have an idea of who you are or what your future holds as long as you know where your identity is found and who holds your future. (the answer to both is Jesus, in case you were wondering)

I think that a lot of times there’s a lot of pressure on college students and twenty-somethings to have their life together and have it all figured out, but it’s unrealistic. I mean just the thought of owning a goldfish makes me wanna have a panic attack. I’m doing good most days just to make it through the day without getting food all over my clothes. The thought of getting married or having kids is not even a thought I can comprehend at this point. And it shouldn’t be!! Now is the time to explore and do and figure out who I am and what I can bring to this world. With every breath I breathe I want to use my God-given talents and abilities to share His love and goodness. To be honest, I don’t even really know what that is yet either. But I’m learning. One day at a time. The more I’m in His presence, the more I’ll learn about myself and my future. For now, I’m trying to be okay with not knowing and finding peace in the never-ending waiting. And maybe that looks different for me than for others. Maybe I’ll finish a semester behind everyone else. But I’d rather take my time finding out who I am and where God is calling me than rush into some career I was never supposed to be in just for the comfort. (Besides great things are never accomplished in your comfort zone. And God LOVES to keep us out of it as much as possible) I’ve made some mistakes this summer and I know I’ll make more, but God is teaching me, refining me and it’s a painful, but beautiful process of looking more like Him. I’m just doing the best I can to figure out what being 20 looks like. (aka wanting freedom but still needing my parents at times) So be patient with me, I still need a lot of work on this rebellious heart. But God’s doing work and I can’t wait to look back at this post in a couple years and laugh at how far He brought me and how silly my worries were. But in the meantime, I’ll probably eat too much Ben & Jerry’s, drink too many RedBulls, and (unfortunately) make a few more dumb decisions. Thankful for grace. And the GREAT plans God has for my life. Esther spoke very specifically to my heart several months ago and Esther 4:14 (specifically the second half) is a life verse I’ve been clinging to ever since…”And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” You and I were created at the very time we were with a very specific plan in mind. While God doesn’t need us at all, He CHOOSES TO USE US FOR HIS GLORY. Can I get an amen somebody?? My prayer for those of you reading this is that you wholeheartedly seek after the Lord and find peace in the waiting if you’re in the same place I am. I also ask you pray for your girl over here just trying to bring glory to God in all that she does. 🙂

Put Down Your Stone

   I know everybody has an opinion on the Duggar’s story and I’m sure you’re expecting this to be an article of me shaming the Duggar’s or defending the family. But it’s really neither one. So if you came here to find another article to share on your Facebook that “perfectly describes how you feel about the situation”, you probably came to the wrong place. 
   My sister’s and I sat down this evening to watch the Kelly Files interview with Jill and Jessa that was aired yesterday. And it got to a point where a question was posed about them “discrediting their faith”. Megyn Kelly started by saying “You advocated strong, Christian values and now critics are saying “you’ve essentially waved your right to do that.” That the family shouldn’t be out there doing that since they knew this happened.” “You’re hypocrites.” “How about Josh though?” And this is what I want to discuss. This is the issue I have with all of this. You see if, sinning invalidates the Christian faith, then I discredit it on a daily basis. And so do you. Because newsflash, every person that has ever walked the earth is a sinner. 

   But committing a sin doesn’t discredit God or Christianity in the slightest. In fact, that’s what Christianity is all about. It’s realizing you and I, we’re messy, sinners who can’t make it on our own. It’s realizing we’re in desperate need of a Savior who can rescue us from our sinful lives and give us an intimate, loving, eternal relationship with Him. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:23-24) When we sin, we’re not discrediting God or whatever mumbo jumbo people have come up with, we’re in fact proving just how desperately we need a Savior. 
What Josh did is undoubtedly a sin and I don’t want to act like what he did was okay in the slightest. It was wrong.” It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.” (‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4‬:‭3-5‬) But his sisters shared that he asked for forgiveness and was repentant. (I mean for crying out loud it was 12 years ago!) Now, I don’t know his heart and neither do you. I don’t know where he is spiritually and I don’t know if he truly was repentant. That’s between him and God. But I do know that you and I are no better than him. We are no less sinners than him. (remember, for ALL have sinned) You pointing fingers and judging him for what he did is just as much of a sin as him inappropriately touching someone. I know it’s hard for our small, finite minds to wrap our mind around, but God sees sin as sin. And we will ALL face His judgement one day for those sins. “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭10‬) It’s not your place to judge because A) God is a just God and he (and we) will face consequences for our actions. B) “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.” (‭Romans‬ ‭2‬:‭1-5‬) I mean, if that scripture won’t shut you up, I don’t know what will. But this judgement doesn’t just need to stop for Josh Duggar, it’s the same for that girl you see throwing herself at guys or that guy you see filling his snapchat story with drunken videos at some party. Put down your stone and walk into the love God has given us to share with others. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:4-5) The blood of Jesus covers all. Not just your sins, not just my sins, not just our past sins, not just our future sins. Yes, that means it covers Josh Duggar’s sins too. “When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” “(‭John‬ ‭8‬:‭7‬) After no one condemns her, he goes on to say “Then neither do I condemn you,” “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (‭John‬ ‭8‬:‭11‬) Jesus calls us to leave our life of sin and find love, forgiveness, grace, and an abundance of life in Him. He came so we could have an intimate relationship with our Creator, the very One who gave us life, the God of the universe!!! 
   How can we waste our breath pointing out the specks in other’s eyes when we have a gracious Father so rich in mercy that He saw fit to send His son to die that He might know us?? THAT, friends is what we should be spending our time sharing with others. Those are the words that should be jumping out of our mouths, not words of slander, hate, or judgement. If you’ve experienced the radical life-changing encounter of Jesus Christ, sharing this goodness with others should be our very heartbeat!!! Let’s not waste our words by putting others down, but instead use every breath we have to point them to the solution, the Savior, the one and only way to Heaven! 

Moving Forward

I apologize in advance because this post will more than likely be all over the place. Bear with me though because I so heavily have something on my heart to share with you all today.

The past week or so has been really rough spiritually. While I’ve had a million things to do and genuinely have been busy, I’ve let anything and everything get in the way of my relationship with God. And it’s been noticeable. I haven’t posted on The Set Apart in over a week and haven’t shared much on my own social media either. (Hint: you can pretty much always tell how my relationship with God is going based on what I’m posting on social media, don’t be afraid to call me out or ask me about it when you see me slacking) It’s showed in my attitude too. While it’s mostly been an internal battle, it has begun to affect me on the outside. There’s a reason I have to so strongly throw myself at God. I am the weakest of weak. And one day not in the Word, one day not spent in serious prayer affects my entire life. A week and a half out of the Word and not spent in prayer? You can’t imagine what it does to my heart. I know it’s not really that long but y’all, that’s how desperately we need our Savior. It’s not even that I’ve tried to do things on my own this time. Trust me, I know I’m too weak to do it on my own. I’ve just been too stubborn and prideful to turn back to God. In fact, instead of turning to God, I’ve been starting to turn to my past. My heart is so rebellious so it takes very little to throw me off and to turn me in the opposite direction. This week, I’ve let the lusts of my heart and my emotions control me. Now, for the most part, this has just been a struggle in my heart. But had God not gotten ahold of me today and made me realize what I was doing to myself and my relationship with God, I would’ve very soon begun to act on my heart’s desires. Once again forsaking my relationship with God. Once again putting myself in chains that Christ set me free from. Now, I know that I have already sinned in my heart. I’m not trying to play down what has already happened. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28) This goes for any sin, by the way. You got angry at somebody? You already committed murder in your heart. You got jealous of somebody? You already coveted that person’s belongings, life, future, or whatever it may be. It’s something we need to sit before the throne about. But God has and will continue to give you chance after chance to turn back.

God told you not to look back. He told me not to look back. But what do we do time and time again? How much are we like the Israelites or Lot’s wife? A number of things can cause us to look back. That’s why we must desperately throw ourselves at the foot of the Cross and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. The Israelites got to a point where they were begging to go back to Egypt. Begging to go back to slavery. Because they actually thought it was better than where they were going. THEY WERE GOING TO THE PROMISED LAND. This place was gonna be perfect. Yet they kept looking back to their life of slavery. Now before you go get on your self-righteous high horse, I want you to think about it. Our life before Christ WAS slavery. “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness.” (Romans 6:17-19) We are no different than the Israelites. At all. I often find myself almost glorifying my past when talking about it with friends. I look back at the nights I was getting wasted or the time after time of sleeping around and I think about how “fun” it was. Fun? Umm Jordan…are you remembering the depression you went through? How little you respected yourself? The emotional and spiritual damage you’re just now overcoming from giving yourself away? What about that is fun? I am Lot’s wife. Looking back at what I’ve left behind. I am an Israelite. Begging to be thrown back into slavery. But oh how sweet God’s love is. Because I’m also Gomer. I am the unfaithful bride, leaving a beautiful life to go back to a life of slavery and prostitution. BUT GOD IS HOSEA. And praise be that when I, His bride, try to run back to my past, am chased after by my groom. Our God is a God of second and third and fiftieth chances. Now, that doesn’t mean we can take advantage of Him, He is also a just God. And we will reap what we sow. We will face consequences for our actions. Yet through it all, God’s love is unending. He went back to get His bride. He PAID for what was already His. He gave everything to buy us back. Us, the unfaithful bride, running back to a filthy past. He BOUGHT US BACK. How dare we try and pick up what was nailed to the cross? How dare we try and put ourselves back in the same shackles Christ broke us from? Lyrics from It Is Well with My Soul stopped me in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes today:

“My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!”

JESUS PAID IT ALL. He nailed that lust, that anger, that jealousy, that addiction to the cross. That we may never pick it up again. That we may never return to a life of slavery again. It is finished. So why do we keep acting like it’s only partially finished? Do not try to shackle yourself back in those broken chains. Let’s run to the Cross and with all we have, cling to it. Because Christ came to give us a life of freedom. Go dust off your bible, open your heart, and sit before the Lord so He can fill you up again. I know I’m going to.

The Battle Has Been Won

In Deuteronomy 2 and 3, Moses is reminding the Israelites of their past. Of all the Lord delivered them from. Of all God conquered for them. Now, the Israelites were in no way stronger or bigger than the armies they were facing. In fact, they should’ve been terrified of what they were up against. BUT GOD. “This very day I will begin to put the terror and fear of you on all the nations under heaven. They will hear reports of you and will tremble and be in anguish because of you.” (Deuteronomy 2:25) The Lord delivered countries over to the Israelites so that they could conquer them. One after another. Battles that were logistically impossible for the Israelites to win, were conquered just like that. But let’s remember that it was never their battle to begin with. Their victories had nothing to do with their strength (or lack thereof). It was because it was the Lord’s battle(s). It was always His. They were only victorious through Him. 

So how does this apply to us today? We may not be up against giant armies, but we all have something. And it looks different for everybody. Maybe for you, it’s overcoming a sin that Christ came to set you free from. Maybe it’s an unsaved family member. Maybe it’s school. For me, it’s my future and my dreams. 

I have dreams that God has placed on my heart. I have dreams to start a nonprofit that allows those in need to get clothes, shoes, and coats and blankets in the winter when it’s cold. I also have dreams to write a book and/or devotions. I dream to speak to people, sharing what Christ set me free from. And I don’t typically share this with people because I think “oh that’d be nice, but they’re just dreams.” And I’ve been so discouraged  lately because I have no clue what my future looks like or what the next step is. Am I supposed to finish school or does God have something else in store? I say all this to say BUT GOD BUT GOD BUT GOD. Who am I to put limits on the all powerful, almighty King of Kings and Lord of Lords?? I still don’t know what my future looks like, but I do know I serve the same God who fought the Israelites’ battles and brought them out of Egypt. There are doors shut tight right now that God, in His perfect timing, will one day swing open. Opportunities will open up that I never even thought of. Praise God that He’s in charge because I’m just a confused, often doubting daughter. God has already made us victorious in Him. He’s won the battle. Our job is to let Him fight for us and boldly trust in Him. Won’t He do it??