Love Lessons from the Girl Who Learned the Hard Way

I’m no relationship expert. Far from it. But I know what God says about marriage and I know what He’s shown me specifically in regards to relationships. But when I actually get into a relationship, it’s like I get love drunk and everything I’ve known flies out the window. I’ve been single for a few months now and I’m at such peace in the season I’m in. And I’ll be single as a pringle until the Lord sends me my fine future husband ready to deal with all this crazy. But I didn’t get to this place overnight.

You see, I’m the girl who told you not to put anybody before the Lord your God. To never make anybody an idol or god in your life.

I’m the girl who told you that getting into bed with somebody outside of marriage will leave you attached and messed up emotionally and spiritually.

I’m the girl who told you how serious and precious relationships are. That they’re for marriage and to take it seriously.

I’m the girl, that after my last relationship, said my next boyfriend would be my future husband.

And then I fell head over heels for a church boy that treated me like a queen and made me feel like a million bucks. Suddenly, it didn’t matter what God said to me. In my mind, I knew I was gonna marry him and I was in love and why not start playing house now? We talked about marriage all the time. We had plans on getting engaged young. But love got mixed up with lust and before I knew it, I had begun to make him an idol in my life. He loved me, he protected me, he provided for me, he held me when I cried, calmed me down through panic attacks and nights of depression. Why turn to God when I had everything I thought I needed right there? Oh there were fights. We loved hard but we also fought hard. We were passionate people who weren’t always best at communicating the way the other needed. But nothing else mattered to me unless it was spending time with him. I’ve never been so caught up in one person. And God is a jealous God. He will not compete for attention. He wants all or none. In our relationship, we went through ups and downs of trying to center our relationship around God and falling back into sin. But God doesn’t play those games. He wanted both of our attention. He wanted all of both of us.

Personally, I felt blindsided when we broke up. We were supposed to get married and start a life together in the next couple of years. From where I stand now, it’s so obvious that God wanted our attention. He wanted our full hearts and if that meant breaking us up, then He would do whatever it took to have our hearts and minds fully set on Him. A month later I fully surrendered to Him and His plans for my life like never before. Not holding any little bit back. He needed to get me to a place where it was nothing but me and Him. He needed to show me what a life truly surrendered to Him looks like. Cause He longed for me to have that. But He wouldn’t have had that when I was so wrapped up in my little world of love. My heart and soul were set on the wrong one. I was trying to find complete love and wholeness in a human being. It’s not possible. So any unhappiness came from me trying to force a person to complete me. And my heart breaks to think that I put so much pressure on one person to be my everything, to fulfill me. It wasn’t fair to him. But to this day, I don’t think I’ve ever loved a person more. I have nothing negative to say about him or our relationship. I pray for him any time he crosses my mind.

But right now, I’m too busy trying to center my heart on the Lord to be consumed by any one person. God’s gonna have to fling a door wide open and practically write it out in the sky when it’s time to enter into my next relationship. Whatever that looks like. I’m in no hurry cause I want to be the woman my future husband and children deserve. And I know I’m not there yet. I’m letting the Lord mold me and refine my heart so that when I do enter into the relationship that will lead me into marriage, I won’t let my heart be led by lust and I won’t try to find my wholeness or worth in that guy. I’ve known for a long time that the biggest calling on my life is to be a wife and momma. I don’t wanna take that lightly. I wanna be a loving, praying wife that points my husband back to Jesus daily. I wanna me a loving, praying mom that raises up warriors for the kingdom. God’s got a lot to do in this heart of mine but it’s so worth holding out for that love. Cause it’s on it’s way and it’s gonna be worth every struggle, every tear, and every second of waiting.

So to you reading this tonight, whether you’re in a relationship or single, listen to the girl who’s learned the hard way. Nobody but Christ himself can ever complete you. Don’t try to find your worth in another person. Don’t let your heart get so caught up in love, that you lose sight of the cross. In a relationship, that other person’s heart is SO precious. Do not take it lightly. Point them to Jesus, don’t be what’s pulling them away from Jesus. God designed sex for marriage for a reason. Don’t question that or think He’s punishing you by telling you to wait. You’ll end up attached to that person, it’ll confuse you on what love looks like, and it’ll mess you up both spiritually and emotionally. Focus your heart and mind on the Lord so that even when you’re in a relationship, they won’t replace your relationship with God. Your person deserves to have the best version of you. The version that is chasing after Jesus, fully surrendered to Him and His ways. When your worth and completeness (is that a word?) is in Christ, you won’t bother trying to find wholeness in a person. Pray for your future spouse, pray for your future children, and pray for those that have had the privilege to love your heart in the past, whether or not they will play a part in your life again. And don’t trip about being single or rushing to find “the one”, you have the rest of your life to be married. You only have this season now to prepare your heart. No matter where you are in regards to relationships, dating, and marriage, know I’m praying for you and I’m praying these words and my vulnerability will find you where you need it most. You are precious. Your heart is precious. Don’t take it lightly. Don’t take loving others lightly either.

The Sweet Season of Singleness

“Come to Me, I am all you need.” As I sit down, preparing myself to write a post about singleness, the Lord so sweetly reminded me He is all we need as Come to Me by Bethel played on my spotify. As we get closer to the “ever dreaded” Valentine’s Day, I see more and more guys and girls freaking out about whether or not they’re going to have a valentine on this day. As lovingly as I possibly can say this…who cares?? Valentine’s Day is a silly, made up holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I love Valentine’s Day whether I’m single or in a relationship. Since it’s a silly, made up holiday, it can be whatever we make it to be. I love love. Love in general. I love letting the people in my life know how much they mean to me and I’ve always seen this as a day to have fun with pink and sparkles and chocolate and love on the people in my life. But this post isn’t about Valentine’s Day, it’s about getting down to the heart of things and celebrating how sweet being single is and should be.

Can we just get a couple things straight before I go in? There is NOTHING wrong with you if you are single. You are not weird or ugly or unloved if you are single. There’s something so beautiful about trusting in God’s plan and waiting on the one He has in store for you. If I’m being honest, I’ve never been so content in a season of my life as I am right now in this season of singleness. There’s so much freedom in being on your own and finding who you are in Christ. Your worth doesn’t come from who you’re dating or who you aren’t dating, it comes from what Christ did for you on the cross. And I will stress that until my last breath. Because you have to know that what God says about you is the ONLY thing that will ever matter. The world thinks being single is weird? I think jumping from relationship to relationship, giving little pieces of your heart away, is weird. Because it hurts you and it damages your heart, making you believe that the only way you are whole is if you have a significant other. But until you fall in love with the One who made you, you will never be whole. No guy or girl will make you whole. Ever ever ever. Please get that in your head right now. God alone fills that emptiness that we try to find in the things of this world.

The point of marriage is to get a glimpse of the love God has for us. Sex and intimacy with your spouse is the closest picture we will ever get on earth of the kind of intimacy Christ desires to have with us. Your spouse is someone you should be able to do ministry with, to serve God with, and to glorify God with. Marriage is two sinners coming together with Christ at the center. But the thing about that is, each person has their own baggage and sins. Marriage is beautiful, but it’s messy and it takes work. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) Are you ready for that? The real, raw, messy love, or do you like the idea of love and having a significant other that buys you things and takes you on cute dates? Because love is so much more than that. So until, God has gotten us to a place where we desire God more than a relationship, than we are not ready for that. Because your future spouse will undoubtedly let you down. And if you’re putting your worth in that person, you will be crushed when that happens. But if you’re putting your worth in Christ, you’ll be able to forgive them, serve them, and love them as Christ loves us.

Rejoice in your time of singleness because it’s a time to get to know your beautiful Savior in a way like never before. We are the BRIDE of Christ and there will never be a relationship so sweet and rich as the one with our precious Savior. The Father pursues us in ways no human ever will. He loves us so much more deeply than anybody on earth will ever love us. His love knows no boundaries. Christ went to the cross just to possibly have the opportunity to have a relationship with us. How beautiful is that?? Would you ever think about acting like you were single once you were married? Most people would answer with a resounding no. So why are you acting like you’re single when you are the bride of Christ? Yes, you may be single when it comes to earthly relationships, but if you are a follower of Christ, you are in the most precious, intimate relationship you will EVER be in. So don’t try to fill yourself with the things or the people of this world. Don’t cling to worthless idols and don’t make yourself the Lord of your life. God will not share, He wants every bit of you. If you wouldn’t cheat on your one-day spouse, then who are you to cheat on your Savior? Don’t rush into relationships, don’t settle, and don’t try to force a relationship just because you’re tired of being single. When we do these things, it’s like we’re saying we don’t trust in the plan God has for us. If you’re single, embrace it. Use this time to try new things, to meet new friends, and to fall deeper in love with your Beloved Savior. Nothing will satisfy the human heart other than Christ. When you truly understand that your worth is in Christ and that He is the ultimate lover of your soul, you’ll be content in waiting. God is ever faithful and He never steers us wrong. He’s got a plan and it’s time to start trusting in it.